I’m Not Ready

In exactly 5 weeks I’ll be on the plane to New York. I’m so excited and I’m so ready! Well so I thought.

I am a month way and I can’t bring myself to clean my room, my car, or even start packing. I’ve found myself really slacking. And I wonder why I am unable to do anything. I want to pretend it is not real, because once I start packing and cleaning I really have to step out of my comfort zone and put full faith and trust in God.

See here at home, yes, I have problems, but I also have a place familiar and comfortable to settle into my problems. However, once I move I will have nothing. So I am taking my time to soak in home as much as possible. I know my parents hate my messy room and car, but I really hope they understand that I just trying to keep my sense of home as possible. I won’t be able to be messy and have laundry everywhere when I have roommates. I won’t even have a car to use out there. I am just making the most of what I have now, while I can.

But I cannot live in denial much longer. I am moving. I will be out of my comfort zone. I will not be able to rely on the things I, honestly, take advantage of.

It is time to acknowledge the fact that I cannot hold on to these things forever. I have to make space for the change to come. I am not even sure if this makes any sense, but this is how I feel. San Diego, you are making it hard for me to leave and I never thought I would say that.


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