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This Way or That Way?

Even though I know the roads of San Diego like the back of my hand, I love to use Waze to find the easiest way to get to point A to point B.

Today I was on my way to work, despairingly during morning rush hour, so I turned on Waze. During my trip, the app told me to use one highway, but I decided it would be the same if I stayed on the current highway and turned it off. I thought it would take the same amount of time, as it normally takes just as long. But I could not see that there was an accident right after I missed the exit towards the app directed highway. The way I chose, instantly, made time longer, harder, and more stressful. I instantly said, “Great.”

Then it hit me.

This is just like when I decide to take my own way in life, instead of God’s way for me.

Really, Danielle? You took something so everyday and minimal and turned it into to something spiritual?

YES I DID! And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

So, then I turned Waze back on and followed it. I even made it to work on time! With the little help of speeding, truth be told.

God has a certain plan for us, and when we diverge from it things do not always end up so bright and shiny for us. I cannot tell you how many times I have done something my way to find out there was an easier way to do it. And 10 out of 10 times God’s way is much easier.

Before I came to Christ. I was doing everything on my own and MY way. And obviously, I still do. But let me tell you, it always ended in tear of frustration. Then the moments I completely gave it to God and entrusted into His plan; I felt lighter, things came easily, and my tears full of joy.

I’m a bit of a crier, if you had not noticed. lol.

But the best part is that you can get back on the road that God without starting at the beginning.

I know I am going to diverge from the safest and easiest route, but He will always bring me back without hesitation.

This Way or That Way?

Even though I know the roads of San Diego like the back of my hand, I love to use Waze to find the easiest way to get to point A to point B.

Today I was on my way to work, despairingly during morning rush hour, so I turned on Waze. During my trip, the app told me to use one highway, but I decided it would be the same if I stayed on the current highway and turned it off. I thought it would take the same amount of time, as it normally takes just as long. But I could not see that there was an accident right after I missed the exit towards the app directed highway. The way I chose, instantly, made time longer, harder, and more stressful. I instantly said, “Great.”

Then it hit me.

This is just like when I decide to take my own way in life, instead of God’s way for me.

Really, Danielle? You took something so everyday and minimal and turned it into to something spiritual?

YES I DID! And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

So, then I turned Waze back on and followed it. I even made it to work on time! With the little help of speeding, truth be told.

God has a certain plan for us, and when we diverge from it things do not always end up so bright and shiny for us. I cannot tell you how many times I have done something my way to find out there was an easier way to do it. And 10 out of 10 times God’s way is much easier.

Before I came to Christ. I was doing everything on my own and MY way. And obviously, I still do. But let me tell you, it always ended in tear of frustration. Then the moments I completely gave it to God and entrusted into His plan; I felt lighter, things came easily, and my tears full of joy.

I’m a bit of a crier, if you had not noticed. lol.

But the best part is that you can get back on the road that God without starting at the beginning.

I know I am going to diverge from the safest and easiest route, but He will always bring me back without hesitation.

 

I’m Not Ready

In exactly 5 weeks I’ll be on the plane to New York. I’m so excited and I’m so ready! Well so I thought.

I am a month way and I can’t bring myself to clean my room, my car, or even start packing. I’ve found myself really slacking. And I wonder why I am unable to do anything. I want to pretend it is not real, because once I start packing and cleaning I really have to step out of my comfort zone and put full faith and trust in God.

See here at home, yes, I have problems, but I also have a place familiar and comfortable to settle into my problems. However, once I move I will have nothing. So I am taking my time to soak in home as much as possible. I know my parents hate my messy room and car, but I really hope they understand that I just trying to keep my sense of home as possible. I won’t be able to be messy and have laundry everywhere when I have roommates. I won’t even have a car to use out there. I am just making the most of what I have now, while I can.

But I cannot live in denial much longer. I am moving. I will be out of my comfort zone. I will not be able to rely on the things I, honestly, take advantage of.

It is time to acknowledge the fact that I cannot hold on to these things forever. I have to make space for the change to come. I am not even sure if this makes any sense, but this is how I feel. San Diego, you are making it hard for me to leave and I never thought I would say that.

 

I’m Allowed to Be Sad

99 percent of the time I can be radiantly optimistic and just all smiles. But there are some days, like today,  there are things that pierce my heart and I can not bare any positive emotions.

When I get these dark feeling, unfortunately, I let it sulk and soak my heart. I allow it the consume me. Not in a woe is me kind of fashion. But in way that I can think and dissect until I cannot think about it anymore. Until it escapes my heart and I can clearly see the beauty that came from this darkness… kind of like clouds.

Clouds are formed by collecting and cultivating debris. It just keeps gathering, until everything becomes too heavy and it begins to rain. This cloud spreads darkness for a little bit. Some longer than others. Then once the cloud has poured every drop, the cloud is gone allowing the sky to illuminate, the grass to become greener, cars become clean. Without the darkness and rain the clouds provided, we would not have such beauty. Which is why I allow myself to sulk and think over my pain.

I pour every ounce, well a lot, of my sadness out in thought so what I decide to do next is not clouded and so I can see the real beauty behind my pain.

So I beg when I am sad, and it is unusual for you. Allow it to happen. It will not last long, as long as you let things run its appropriate course. You can not stop a cloud from raining, just like you can not stop me from being sad.

I mean, you are allowed to ask if I am OK. But if I do not want to to answer, please do not be offended, I am just not in a place to openly speak about it. Maybe at some point I will, but allow me to decide when I am ready. I am pretty good about being open when I am willing.

I understand that it is hard or weird to see me upset. unfortunately, I do get sad and beat myself up, but that does not change who I am. A person of hope and love. Just some days are better than others. Sometimes I find that people see me different or write me off when I have days like this. I mean I cannot really change that All I can do is hope that they see and understand me.

Perfectly Imperfect

Each and everyday that I worked this week, I was making, in my eyes, astronomical mistakes. Finding myself getting so frustrated and being filled with such a nasty attitude. Telling myself that I am better than this. Asking myself, “What’s wrong with you today. This isn’t you.” I would then continue to try to press on, trying to be perfect enough to cover the mistakes and lowness I made.

Then other day I had the most humbling opportunity to speak to one of my friends. This was the first we have ever really got to have a one on one conversation. And as we were talking, he openly told me, with the most humbling heart, “I’m a mess.” Not jokingly. And not just to say it. He truly meant it. He was able to tell me and himself that he is hurting and struggling.

I found this to be the most beautiful thing to hear him be completely present to his body, mind, and soul enough to recognize how he is.

As he continued to release his heart to me, I got the humbling experience to share the truth of God. That God came down to earth as Jesus to live the most perfect life and hold the weight of the world on his shoulder so that we would not have to. So, it is perfectly OK to not be perfect and feel that you are not strong enough because that is not our job nor the cards that we hold.

I was speaking these truths to him, I realized that I am completely guilty of forgetting this truth.

I feel that we love to suppress how we are really are doing. We busy our lives and our mind to distant ourselves from how we are actually doing and who we are to be something we currently are not. Whether that be strong or perfect.

And obviously, I completely guilty of this.

I am so grateful for my friend’s heart and openness. I got to remind myself of this truth because, honestly, I forgot it until today. I, once again, found myself making messes and mistakes at work and getting frustrated. I then, under my breath, said, “I’m human. I make mistakes.”

And then… BAM! It hit me.

Yes, I am human. I make mistakes. AND THAT IS PERFECTLY OK!

I finally was able to be present to my body and mind, and realize that I am not as strong as I think I am.

I was given these moments to practice what I preach and what I believe. That I am completely incapable of not making mistakes. It is not my job to be perfect, but to do my best and recognize when that I need help.

And I probably would not have this realization without the gracious and open heart of my friend. I’m not sure if I was helpful to him in anyway. But I hope he knows how grateful I am for this heart to share his feeling and his soul with me, and how it has and will continue to save me from my own self-destruction.

I pray that we all know, that we are perfectly perfect in our imperfect selves. We are so talented beyond are imagination. I hope that we can see once the idea of perfection escapes ourselves, we will exceed and receive things in the most luminous ways beyond his wildest dreams.

 

 

 

 

I Am Not Alone Because of You

As I’m preparing for my move to New York, I can not help but feel lonely during my planning. I mean, I am taking this huge move and step by myself.

But I will say, I have yet to feel alone as I plan.

I cannot believe how many people have connected me to people out there, who have given me resources there, even given me opportunities to make save more money. And most importantly giving me emotional support and positive vibes.

Most of my support has come out of no where.

It has been when I am at my lowest, and thinking this is not meant to be, that people who I have not been in contact with, or did not consider close to me, has come and given me the most amazing opportunities.

As I continue to receive such wonder encouragement, support, and opportunities I cannot help but believe this is all from God reiterating that this is what he has called me to do. Everything has come with such ease whether I see it right away or not.

Long story short, as I am running out of tangible words, this is an appreciation post to everyone that has filled my heart with such amazing love.

I know that I will have times of loneliness as I plan for New York, and when I finally move, but I will never be alone because God has and will continuously show his love and presence through all of you who have given to me, and from those to come.

Thank you so much for keeping my spirits high and allowing me to see my purpose.

 

 

 

New York State of Mind

In two months 2 months, 11 days, and 8 hours I will be boarding my plane to New York.

I have nothing planned except my arrival date.

Many people ask me why I am moving there, what are my plans when I get there, where I am going to live, how long I am planning on living there, how am I going to pay for anything, and the only answer I have is “I have absolutely no idea.”

As of now, I do not have a place to live. I do not have job. I have no time span as of how long I will be there. I have no plans as to what I want to do or will be doing out there.

This scares everyone I talk to. But I am not scared in the slightest.

I am comforted knowing with every fiber of my being, God has called me to New York and has a plan for me.

No I am not expecting to just sit here and all of sudden a place to live or a job will just come to me. I am actively on craigslist, Gypsy Housing, AirBnb, looking for something, but I am not worried that I will not find have a place to rest my head. I know, as long as God knows that I am fully trusting him in this adventure, he will guide me to where he wants me.

I guess, I am not my own making plans because if I do they will not be His plan.

I am not going to New York for me. I am not going as a means to run away. Honestly, initially thought I was moving to get away from San Diego, but recently I have found that God wants me to do His work in New York. Which I still find incredibly insane!

I am a freshly anointed daughter of Christ and for some reason he has chosen me to go. Even before I claimed Jesus as my own. And this is a calling that I will not deny myself from.

So in writing, I guess I answered one question for you. I am moving to New York to do God’s work. I still have know idea why or for what, but that is the beauty of it.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says,

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him; and he will make your paths straight.”

I still  have so many questions, but I will wait to see what He has planned for me in New York.